Struggles Of A Food Addict

Hello all! It has been a rather long time since Mike or I have written on here about our journey on our lifestyle change. So, since you may be behind a little due to us let me catch you up real quick. WE HAVE DONE NOTHING. Ok, I may be exaggerating when I say we have done nothing but in regards to a healthy lifestyle we have done the opposite. Mike and I have become frequent customers of pizza companies and fast food again along with giving in to going out to eat more frequently and all around not taking care of ourselves or monitoring what goes into our bodies. With that there of course has been consequences like all choices you make in life. For both of us because we having been fueling our bodies with crap we have had very little energy and also weakened our immune systems because we have both already been sick several times this year. I am going on my third week of a sinus infection that seems to be against all medicines and antibiotics prescribed. Speaking for myself and my consequences I can say my clothes are tighter now even though my weight is staying the same and I am not very happy about it.

I will admit there have been times where we have been proactive towards a positive lifestyle change and it usually lasts a day sometimes two. Mike and I go through the same struggle every time when we are hungry. Instead of looking for healthier options we order pizza or go get fast food and than feel guilty swearing this will be the last time and tomorrow is a new day and we will be strict. Well, tomorrow the day that we say we will begin eating healthy never comes and our struggle continues. There are times where we have been good and written out a monthly menu to follow and did pretty good at it yet despite our healthy groceries that cost us money sitting in the fridge pizza seems to be one of our biggest temptations. So, here we are not quite at square one but there again hoping this time we can do this and reach our personal goals.

There was a moment last week where I realized that I am a food addict. I was watching the show Revenge and one of the characters Stevie Grayson is a recovering alcoholic who has not touched the bottle in years. The day she had a huge argument with her ex husband and she went to her sons bar pulled out a bottle of liquor and poured herself a drink but instead of drinking it she just looked at it and struggled with whether she should drink it or not. At that moment I realized that is me not with alcohol but food. I may start out great in the morning and pack a healthy lunch for work but when work is over is when the binges begin. I could be just tired or had a rough day so I go to Walgreens and buy ice cream and a pop or a candy bar than go home and watch tv. I tell myself I wont do it today every day that I will just go home and run and get ready for the 5k but emotion overcomes me and takes over and then that's when the ice cream comes in the picture. I can honestly say that I have never smoked in my life, never done drugs and am not tempted by alcohol but food is my addiction. When all my friends went out and had a cigarette on break because they were stressed I went to the vending machine and got cookies or the nutter butter things. Food didn't just become my fuel for my body to carry on through life it became my friend, my counselor, my crutch and now finally I will admit my addiction.

So one of the first steps to dealing with a problem is admitting you have one. I have been honest with myself since last week that I have a problem and have recognized my triggers such as stress and the times I am feeling the most stressed. I can proudly say I have gone a week since I went to Walgreens or any store and bought ice cream or something bad for me.  I almost went yesterday but Mike talked me out of it so that was an accomplishment.

Instead of focusing on the past I am focusing on the future but in full realization that I do have an addiction to food and this will be a struggle until it becomes habit again. Nothing worth doing is ever easy, I have to keep chanting that in my head when sugary carbs are calling my name. This week I have 3 goals that I am determined to meet and they are :
1. Weigh myself and measure Thursday and record it in the blog that night
2. Run 3 times on the couch to 5 k program
3. Focus on eating clean foods and avoid sugary, refined carbs such as ice cream, pop, candy bars etc.

I am hoping this time I will stick to my goals because I have a lot of important events coming up but the most important one really is just life and being able to enjoy it all around. I hope you will continue to follow us and I apologize it has been way too long.

For Now,
Jocelyn